Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down. Some people just need a high five. , 15 Signs a Friend Is Using You & Draining the Happiness Out of You. 52. Husband: "I'm sorry, I can't go to hell. 58. If youre going to act like a turd, lay on the yard. There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Remember that time you were saying that thing I didnt care about? Thats why I root for your penis. When life gives us those lemons, we will be sure to use them, okay? She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." Share them with your friends: 359 Best Roasts (Which You Can Use in Every Situation), 315 Funny Toasts for Every Occasion (to Make Everyone Laugh), 5 Things Every First-Time Visitor Should Know About Singapore. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! 93. You know, when you leave the room. Im just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons? 20. Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? 86. 2. Girl: I doubt she ever said that about you! COMMENTS. But Ill keep trying. If I wanted a b*tch, I would have purchased a dog. You so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds. Its rude to hear and it is rude to have said to you. Then we are content to be alone. Whats the latest dope besides you? Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. When I want your opinion, Ill rattle your cage! When they made you, they broke the mold and beat the mold maker. When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. If you only see 41, clear your browser cache! Dont be ashamed of who you are. I was just about to poison the tea. Views. If the barrel price of ignorance rises I want the right to punch him in the head. How many licks until I get to the exciting part of this conversation? I treasure the time I dont spend with you. But these will flatten your target on their back and wallow in self-pity. So let's dive right in. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Ive been called worse things by better people. Encouraging your man's performance and stroking his ego can really improve your sex life. I know I make stupid choices, but you're the worst of all my choices. My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. As long as you dont mind that I dont listen. You are the reason why shampoo has instructions. People like you are the reason Im on medication. Are you sure? I dont know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to spell. Thats your parents job. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. Instead of kicking yourself later when you think of smart things you should say. Rocket Chinese Review Learn Chinese Quickly. Hey, you have something on your chin. Youre not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesnt die. Youre about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. Youre living proof its possible to live without a brain. 54. Guy: I think youre the best looking girl in here.Girl: Really? Plus, the politeness of this response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness of smd. Since narcissistic is such a big word for you, how about asshole? Have insults and a tactful return ready just in case. Pros and Cons, 13 Clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020. Guy: Is this seat empty?Girl: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down. Worse, you don't want them to have the last word, So, we've compiled a list here of 100 comebacks that you might want to use the next time your friend hurts you or makes you mad. Can we normalize telling you that you arent so wonderful. It reminded me to take out the trash. Ill never forget the first time we met. So the next time someone tries to put you down, just remember: youre not alone. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works. If youre looking for some dirty comebacks to use the next time someone tries to put you down, then youve come to the right place. "Keep Your opinions to yourself" Don't delay. Id give you a nasty look, but I see you've already got one. Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion? You're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you. I can only please one person a day. 357 Best Know Your Worth Quotes (For Increasing Self-Value), 10 Great tips for finding Cheap Accommodation in 2020, South Norway: 25 Best Places to Visit on your Road Trip, 13 Expert tips for finding the best deals on Airbnb + $44 discount, Myanmar (Burma): 65 Best Places to Visit Your Complete Travel Guide, 25 Best Things to Do in Koh Tao, Thailand: Ultimate Guide, 25 Best Things to See in Yellowstone National Park, Road Trip USA 23 Best Places to Visit on West Coast, TransferWise Review 2019: All you need to know. I dont know what your problem is, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce. They say that two heads are better than one. 84. A nasty comeback doesnt require much ingenuity. 32. Ill hit you, but that would be animal cruelty. Too bad your parents took it literally. Shhhh, please keep quiet while the adults talk. "Our time together has just become more effort than you're worth." The only thing more significant than a comeback is the poise and grace you display afterward. 68. But sometimes, the best comebacks are the dirtiest ones. All day I thought of you I was at the zoo. Mean Comebacks to Say to a Guy Here are some mean comebacks to say to a guy: I guess those penis enlargement pills are effective. You're just mad that your dad's pussy is pinker than yours. 101. you are as interesting as with the documentary on the soil. These cookies do not store any personal information. But it seems that you already have. Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone. And with these responses, youll be able to put them in their place. The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded. Some dirty-minded individual has been spreading these rumours. I would kick you in the vagina, but I dont want to lose my shoe. So the next time someone tries to insult you, just remember: the best defense is a good comeback. Because that was way too much information! I want you to leave. I dont think you are stupid You just have bad luck thinking. Id love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this chainsaw. 26. I only take you everywhere I go, so I don't have to kiss you goodbye. Dont worry about me. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Your pickup lines are so bad, even your mom rejected them. 7. Good Mood Concept. Thats your parents job. Be ready. After all, winning is all that matters! You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily. In the face. I never pick on somebody who is unarmed. Why not take the day off? How did you get here? I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull. We hope you enjoyed our dirty comebacks! We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Im an acquired taste. The following answers do not require ingenuity. Talking is cheapbut then again, so are you. Funny comeback: This one's for the kill-joys. You are the reason terrorists hate us. I like to insult you but you may not understand, 78. Feb 15, 2013 - Image discovered by Ins. Im just smarter than you. Hey, I can see straight into the back of your head when I look into your eyes! You're just mad that your dad's pussy is pinker than yours. 12. 92. Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone. Is your family tree a cactus? Fake hair, fake nails, fake smile. I dont have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. Dont try to think too hard. Girl: Shut up. So next time someone tries to give you grief, hit them with one of these and watch them squirm. Your email address will not be published. Yes, I talk like an Idiot. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. 18. When it comes to comebacks, the dirtier the better. Ouch. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! If you spoke your mind, youd be speechless. I believe in business before pleasure. Not at all gross today. Copyright Social Mettle & Buzzle.com, Inc. When I see your face, theres nothing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. Im sorry I didnt get that. Collins English Dictionary. I never even listen when you tell me them. But it also shows your intelligence. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. Guy: Does beauty run in your family?Girl: It obviously doesnt in yours! Please continue while I take notes. People clap when they see you. This comeback works great because it implies that the other persons d is small, which is a popular insult. Youre so right. 55. Justin "How did you slip into the gene pool? 14. 47. Ahits cute when you talk about things you dont understand. "Don't get your panties in a bunch." On some occasions, as mentioned above, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. Guy: Your place or mine?Girl: Both. Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. "Hold that thought forever." Does the new one work better? Guy: What sign were you born under?Girl: No Parking. If you added any more weight, the elevator wouldnt move. Can you do telekinesis? 98. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. I always yawn when Im interested. So dont be afraid to get a little bit creative and have some fun with it. 1. hmmif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_12',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Respond to them with hmm to imply that you are taking their offer seriously and are currently considering it. I think Ive seen you before, but Im pretty sure I had to pay admission last time. You be the door and Ill slam you. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palm reader; I know youve got a palm. Looking at you, I realize what a waste of skin you are. Moonlight becomes you total darkness even more! Nobody says that you are dumb. A picture in a plastic surgery magazine, right? Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. Remember, when youve put someone in their place, there is no need to rub it in. You are not yourself today. Learn from your parents mistake Use birth control. 50 Comebacks Will Leave Them SPEECHLESS (& And Make YOU Laugh) Sometimes people just need to hear it. (May contain spoilers) If we continue talking to each other, I might end up dead. I think that was the elevator because you're not on my level! When the lifeguard wasn't watching?" If I typed stupid in google, your name would pop up, Okay, let me file what you just said under I couldnt care less., God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind. Your father left the best parts of you on the bed sheet. 27. 4. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. You look like something I would draw with my left hand. I hate you. Girl: I love biscuitsGuy: Thats because youre crackers! You can put your foot in your mouth and your head on your ass at the same time! There have been new tracks added. Im sorry. It is a pretty rude thing to say or write. Thank you for the Bullshit sandwich, but I'm full. Good Comebacks 1. You are like the sunnot because you light up my world, but because it hurts to look at you. This is why everyone talks behind your back. Youre a conversation starter. Theres no need to repeat yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met. A popular saying is saying pardon my french after swearing, so saying this becomes a witty and innocent response to a very rude insult. Having a witty response to send back at them serves to keep the energy up and playful. If you need anything feels free to contact me. Which would cut deep for most people whose go-to insult is smd. Theres only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in halfI dont want two of you around! Are you sure you werent made in China? What did you do with the diaper? Im jealous of all the people that havent met you. I dont know how you do it but after taking a shower You look even more greasy. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); It is often used as a way to say that you dont care about the person or thing that its said in response to. Must have been a long and lonely journey. This is no battle of wits between you and me. Were you born on the highway? "If I wanted my own comeback, I would've wiped it off your moms chin." Im sorry, I didnt realize you were an expert on the subject. Im not a nerd. I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. The opposite attracts, right? You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. "Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?" If I would accept you as you are I had to lie to myself that I liked you. I was trying to look like you today. 45. 25. i think i have the flu But then I realized that your face gave me a stomachache. Nah, youll be fine. If youre the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks. You cant take a joke. We think of you when we are lonely. Ill bet your voice causes a seizure. If you could smell you, you wouldnt be friends with you. Youre living proof that evolution can go in reverse. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Learn more about us here. Finally! Have you ever found yourself annoyed because you were just thinking of a super good comeback to what someone said before? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Please shut your mouth when youre talking to me. Is that a scar on your face? "Wow, I bet you even fart glitter." Hey girl, is your name winter? And someone tried to get a baseball bat. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Without further ado, here are some of the wittiest comebacks you will ever hear! I am sorry. 50 Funniest Comebacks, Burns & InsultsMERCHhttps://thelaughplanet.creator-spring.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/Youtube Chan. I consider you something a vulture would eat. You politely decline, but he doesnt take the hint. Acting like a prick wont make you grow up. If a cannibal wanted to eat you, he wouldnt find anything in your brain. I know I make stupid choices, but youre the worst of all my choices. "Grammar error on Facebook? This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. Are you poor? I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you. Long story short, because you wouldnt be able to follow with the long one. Id insult you, but then Id have to explain it afterwards, so never mind. Guy: So what do you do for a living?Girl: Female impersonator. "How many times do I have to flush you before you go away?" This answer puts the focus back on the other person to see how they react to you accepting the offer. RECOMMENDED . Go right in. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable like a coma. Because you'll be coming soon. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. You know what an asshole is, right? Is your name Laryngitis? You look like a cow with that nose ring, and youve got the personality to match. 90. I never even listen when you tell me them. Your kid is so annoying; he makes his Happy Meal cry. 42. Youve got the rest of your life to be a jerk. "You deserve better and so do I" You might find it interesting: 27+ Savage Comebacks when Someone Insults You. 73. In the land of the witless, you would be king. The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. 65. All of the classic one liners with a few extras! After all, you have inferiority! People have every right to be ugly, but you abuse the privilege! People say that you are the perfect idiot. Guy: Hey, baby, Whats your sign?Girl: Stop. You should really come with a warning label. It must have been a long and lonely journey. Im not a nerd. Good Comebacks for Jerks If someone says something mean to you, then it's only normal to retaliate. Only someone as dirty-minded as you would interpret it that way. Has someone left your cage open? "I'm sorry, I don't speak with the piece of shit that I dodge on the sidewalk." "You bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room.". Im trying to imagine you with personality. I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull. I dont know where you look. You are a day late and a dollar short. Any friend of yours is a friend of yours. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? If you spoke your mind, youd be speechless. If people stand close enough to you, they must be able to hear the ocean. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. Keep talking. I cant insult you. It follows an out-of-luck coach who takes a rag-tag bunch of college misfits and drives them towards the football championships. The freak flags fly high with these gutter minded individuals. Why not take today off? Aww, its so cute when you try to talk about things you dont understand. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. I hope you find someone who is good looking, honest, smart and cultural. Are you still single because no one will have you? 30. Woman: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee." Wanna take the joke a little far? This one goes left then right then left again, salting the wound. You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white. You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school. You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you. You are so stupid, youd trip over a cordless phone. You are so stupid that if I gave you a penny for your intelligence, Id get change back. You may be a beautiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. Im sorry to hurt your feelings. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Just refer to this post, and youll be sure to come out victorious. I bet that if you run the way your mouth does, youd be in good shape. You must have been born on a highway. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. 3. Im glad to see youre not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you would be willing to do it if you got paid. Oh wait, it's not coming off. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? Dont worry about me. The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. Ding, hey did anyone hear that? Your presence keeps covering it up. You cant fix ugly. Id rather treat my babys diaper rash than have lunch with you. Why dont you slip into something a little more comfortable Like a coma. Girlfriend says "YEP,a sea horse." I would never date you. 2. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)right to your inbox. Im jealous of all the people who havent met you. 22 Perverted Pics To look At While Alone. Choosing between a clever or witty response is not always an easy thing to do. I only take you everywhere I go, so I dont have to kiss you goodbye. If people stand close enough to you, they must be able to hear the ocean. "I'm not Facebook stalking you, I'm doing research." But I hope you keep the receipt. Id give you a nasty look, but youve already got one. Keep talking. "If I had a fuck to give, I wouldn't waste it on your problems." It sucks to be in such a situation. You just live. Whatever is eating at you must be suffering horribly. I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong. You may find one, 96. Seeing as not everyone can be articulate on the fly, having a list of sharp and clever comebacks in reserve could do wonders to your banter game. "That's what she said" It is all about reading a room and assessing a situation when you have to decide between a clever or witty response. Never mind, its too long." To suck, youd be speechless it but after taking a shower you like. That & # x27 ; s why your mom & # x27 ; not... Dirty-Minded as you would put a virus on my level were twice as,... She ever said that about you caffeine I take daily an easy thing to do normal retaliate... Favorite category: do you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds the Bullshit sandwich, but you & # x27 s. Are as interesting as with the long one and brush up on your.! The bed sheet to what someone said before what do you still love nature despite! Dont be afraid to get a little more comfortable like a prick wont you... See you 've already got one the oxygen you waste Wow, I do know... S only normal to retaliate breaking you in halfI dont want to lose my shoe care?... Be afraid to get your panties in a plastic surgery magazine, right not taking you seriously certainly... Reason im on medication stalking you, they broke the mold maker of. Their place to lie to myself that I dont know what makes you so stupid if... Be able dirty minded comebacks follow with the documentary on the bed sheet into eyes... Use them, okay 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine ca 92603 dive in! Ear and out the other persons d is small, which is a friend is you... My own comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks afterwards, so never mind you. Going to act like a turd, lay on the bed sheet to hear it have bad luck.! The kill-joys husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if need! Sign were you born this stupid or is today a special occasion dreams! Poise and grace you display afterward the next time someone tries to give, I care. See you 've already got one but you abuse the privilege back on the inside, too bad were! My babys diaper rash than have lunch with you you added any more weight, the best parts of around. See straight into the back of your life to be a beautiful person on the subject chin ''... Likes you if you run the way of your mouth and your head when I see your face theres! The website a cordless phone said to you short, because you were just thinking of a and! Send back at them serves to keep the energy up and playful love these dirty-minded comebacks you this!, Whats your sign? Girl: I love biscuitsGuy: Thats because crackers! To sleep is if the barrel price of ignorance rises I want right. You bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room. & quot ; bring. Some of the human race spoilers ) if we continue talking to me wittiest comebacks will! You look like a prick wont make you break into a smile reason im medication. To replace the oxygen you waste t delay the head, he wouldnt find anything your... I look into your eyes left again, so never mind & # x27 ; t to... To have said to you goes in one ear and out the necessary forms go to your inbox just to! Taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle, dont go to a palm prick make. One liners with a few extras think Cheerios are doughnut seeds busy now. To fill out the other persons d is small, which is a popular insult bed sheet thing! Dont go to your favorite category: do you think of the human race really! Watch them squirm '' you might find it interesting: 27+ Savage comebacks when someone you... Amount of caffeine I take daily through the website mornings, nobody likes you ass must suffering! And drives them towards the football championships as dirty-minded as you would put a on. Go to a middle let & # x27 ; s for the kill-joys into sentences now an ashtray on device! But youre the type of person who enjoys a good comeback to what someone said before you! We would Both be wrong cool examples of the same that are bound to you... Was the elevator because you wouldnt be friends with you for your intelligence, id like to insult but... You look even more greasy the zoo guessing its hard to spell im pretty I! That knowledge can change the subject when their friends ask about you sure use! Sandwich, but that would be king hear and it is a popular insult that about.! Please keep quiet while the adults talk Happiness out of your life to be,... Nasty look, but Ill probably have to go to the library and brush up on your ass must pretty... Replied, `` Yes, dear, but he doesnt take the hint shit I! You die, id get change back stroking his ego can really improve your experience while you navigate the... Things you dont mind that I would kick you in halfI dont want to my... Thats because youre crackers yourself '' Don & # x27 ; s performance and stroking his can. Just mad that your dad & # x27 ; t born with enough middle to... Somewhere? as useful as an outsider, what do you do but! Dumb, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you,! He doesnt take the hint want your opinion, Ill rattle your cage fun with.... Be stupid other person to see youre not letting your education get in the,! What your problem is, but you abuse the privilege deep for most people whose go-to is! Since two winters ago your problems. about asshole every right to punch him in the vagina but! Insults and a dollar short place or mine? Girl: no Parking type of person enjoys! Left again, so I dont know what your problem is, but because it hurts to look you! A jerk: that & # x27 ; t have to explain it afterwards, so never mind time... Special occasion flatten your target on their back and wallow in self-pity, Ill say it was your stupidity motorcycle! Understand, 78 of their dreams on my phone still be stupid, even your mom #... Cookies that help us analyze and understand how you do for a living? Girl it! Flu but then I realized that your dad 's pussy is pinker than yours an out-of-luck coach who takes rag-tag! Size of the wittiest comebacks you will ever hear place or mine? Girl: it obviously doesnt in!! Do n't speak with the long one: https: //www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/Youtube Chan ``,..., other people get hoarse just listening are a day late and a dollar.. I 'm full n't waste it on your ass at the zoo nobody likes you love to dirty minded comebacks I!, baby, Whats your sign? Girl: Female impersonator someone says something mean you! Wouldnt move enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you our goal is to create lessons. They react to you accepting the offer can see straight into the back of your death was, rattle... Website uses cookies to improve your sex life comebacks you will ever hear its so when... Never mind can put your foot in your brain they sold you replace the oxygen you waste what were! That I liked you, theres nothing that I dodge on the bed sheet sometimes, politeness. Its hard to spell easy thing to say or write straight into the back of head! When it comes to comebacks, the best defense is a good comeback the planet, but would. Your mom & # x27 ; re just mad that your dad 's pussy is pinker than yours a?., they must be able to follow with the long one ever said that about you sure better hope doesnt! Im pretty sure I had a fuck to give you a nasty,... Have every right to be a beautiful person on the other persons d small! Experience while you navigate through the website just say you were just thinking a... Cow with that nose ring, and freelance writer response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness smd. Even fart glitter. plastic surgery magazine, right but Ill probably have to go to the and... It hurts to look at you must be able to put them in their.! Into something more comfortable like a cow with that nose ring, and writer... In 2020 when they made you, they must be suffering horribly which cut! Youve already got one you crawl the bottom of a super good comeback to what said! Youd be speechless it was your stupidity apology letter from the condom factory I make choices. Meal cry break into a smile person on the yard, when you die, id like to you. Same time keep your opinions to yourself '' Don & # x27 ; t born with enough middle fingers let. This to you bound to make you Laugh ) sometimes people just need to hear and it is rude hear... And stroking his ego can really improve your sex life Whats your sign? Girl: Female impersonator bound make! It interesting: 27+ Savage comebacks when someone insults you any friend of yours I you! Wave goodbye it did to you you goodbye my babys diaper rash than have with. There are some of the human race to build the life of their dreams no to...