I have not spoken to her in over three months now, and have not sent out a text since April 1st. Anon Frenchie, many times when one grows up with an emotionally abusive parent, we re-create those patterns with romantic partners later in life. I hope. Im entering the no contact phase but still I want to talk to him. This happens twice a year. I wish I could get that part back, but alas. He talked incessantly about everything..why people behave the way they do and how childhood impacts negative behaviors, blah blah. I am a male who has been in a no contact stage with what I emphatically believe to be a female borderline. Studied all this since 2010 You are also one who I know has been deeply wounded by numerous men in your past. There are so many situation through the day when i think of him. I hope youve found yourself a good therapist and now take great care of yourself. I think he has a touch of something. For Someone so fantastic and beyond you. It is tough. To try to avoid manipulating situations for my sole benefit and playing on peoples weaknesses, which I conceded Im fairly good at but no narc master. Dont buy it. 1. Studies prove that people with narcissistic personality traits, maintain contact with their exes because theyve got something to gain such as sex or resources like money. Didnt you guys notice I was always on edge whenever I was out? Once you stop reacting for good they find a new victim! The first 2 months were hell and I don t think he will fully leave my life.he s the fle I ll always carry with me, if anything to remind me that I am worth so much more. His mask falls so quick when he cant get what he wants. A classic strategy narcissists use to keep their victims under control is belittling them. He just was gone at a time i was in Holland with my mom she has cancer. I just want my old life back, my confidence, my goals, my dreams. (this is allowed by law, as opposed to you are the NPD, in this country, at least). He texts me last night angry and drunk (super attractive that is lol) and I responded one time, quite rudely, and then blocked the bastards number and went to sleep. Mine did the same to me. If there is any way you can leave with your child and not see either of these men, you and your child would both be better off. The person you thought he was does not exist. I dont answer. But watching and feeling the love drain from me over a year long period and seeing him in his truer persona has been extremely difficult. Typically, people who seek professional help do so because they have a level of self-awareness thats given them insight into their mental and emotional state. After reading articles to discover the reasons for my disastrous past actions, I discovered, both I and my wife are narcissistic sociopaths. He moved right into her place. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. I feel bad a baby was brought into this and that they lasted a long time so far . With all of their comings and goings, its naturalto wonder ifthis time, when they leave, its the final time. Thats my new motto Life begins after No Contact You can do this. Do they send clues or try to spy to see if you are still alive? Cameron was a friend and we were introduced via a mutual friend. Any advice is appreciated. but I have days where I feel hes driving by or just feel his presence sometimes. -Alienation from family and/or friends He became sexually abusive. She broke up with him after 5 months. I want to have a loving partner and its making me self sabotage in ways that I cant even explain. The next step is restraining order. When he came bak he hated me and punished me . The reason you feel this way is not only because of how you were treated but because youve effectively internalized the way the narcissist has conditioned you to feel. I even miss him (the fake him) sometimes too. That may be whats happened with you. After that, in a typical narcissistic style, the conversation will switch to youll never find anyone to love you as much as they did because youre too flawed. I didnt until I met mine. Know that many people are in this simulair situation. Recovering from this type of relationship takes considerable effort and self-care. Good to hear someone that doesnt Judge me because i love(d) him. Was discarded and left with our son. I take responsibility of this mess, as I should have understood my actions and those of my wife. I moved to another state with my child as he promised me a job, in fact I was not even paid the minimum wage. I have a problem and I need help and Im willing to go through all the steps to make myself better..(probably unlikely but what if.. since shes not doing well financially and she might be hitting rock bottom pretty soon..if she hasnt alreadyidk..) She also smokes and takes valiums / adderrall and stuff like that which also contributes to her instability.plus some drinking.. His mom asked how much I was selling it for, etc; I told her to call him for the details cause he charged it and had the paperwork. I have no photos of her in the house, I dont think of her, Im clearing out things she gave me, etc. I was screaming inside! He know this. You can find street hookers with better hearts than your most recent ex. She is either NPD or extreme BPD, but disordered for certain. YOUR ABUSIVE. Reasons and purpose will be given and the person in the relationship with the Narcissist will see the Narcissist through rose tinted goggles. . I dont think it is necessarily a reflection of there being more male narcs (although statistics say there are?) Best of luck to you!! Margo. They never change and will just do their best to suck you in and hurt you all over again. I was very clear about what kind of relationship I was looking for and what I found acceptable and unacceptable. Wow, I just now scrolled up and noticed Kim had already answered you and she essentially said what I just said in my last line above. Because in most cases, they will never admit they have a problem. Nothing happened. Anon and Tiredofliars8, its true that its common for Narcissists to have overlapping Cluster-B disorders. He said that i have to give him some time. Sorry to keep asking probably irrelevant questions. My narc actually made up a lot and told everyone I was cheating on him.. Come to find out that his wife found out about us and told him she was done lol lol lol!! So please go no-contact and set yourself free, i am living proof that it works, even 6 months after i felt little sorrow in knowing she was getting engaged. They usually do, whether sooner or later. When I say Im in love with you, I mean All of it to a T. Wow! Now i think on my timeline of my life. Keep reading Kims stuff as she is so knowledgeable with a huge heart for victims! Then, if he does come back aroun. But in the end, I was just used as a reference so she could copy, and a mirror so she could see herself. They whip themselves into a frenzy because they need your supply to maintain their false image. I bent over for her and put her above myself and my surroundings, out of pure love and kindness that I genuinely felt for this girl. But Im just taking it one day at a time, but you are right I will survive I do know that. I have learned SO much. This one I am still dealing with has been a nightmare to come to terms with from an emotional standpoint. Sorry if my sentences are all over the place but I tried to hurry. I miss that person. He really does seem to be a mix of both. Good luck. They lasted 5 months and yes, she ended it, smart girl!!! Even if I do not go to prison or die, there is nothing to support my family and that nothing can be changed. Time flies when you get real busy and a good four week vacation will fill your head with so many positive moments go enjoy life. I listen I watch but I just see his weakness and, regardless of this, his attempt to appear respectable. Mine caused me two years of terror before divorcing me. Either that, or he is just like her, and they will put each other through it together. Dont do anything you dont feel comfortable withwith the exception of legal orders. One such neurotransmitter is dopamine, a chemical responsible for making us feel pleasurable sensations throughout our bodies. Omg the i cant believe i put up with my ex narc for a year and a half..he was a classic..he was insane to believe i didnt see his games but in my boredom..low self esteem and yes my own insanity i stayed..but in a weird way im happy i went through it because i know what one is and it will never happen again..and i learned alot about myself in the process..he will be turning 59 this year..its going to suck dying alone . I called him a lost soul. You perfectly described my last relationship of the past 4 years. will he ever just go away for good? for starters you will soon realize what you need to do for yourself to heal. And if she then tells her bf that you suspect hes one and he is, he will make your life miserable. The solicitor states the deed is in force and to get my house back I must pay her close to 65,000. But I suspect now that he has used up all of his tricks he wont come back. Please tell me the stories. We repress our instincts in hopes that things will improve, yet they only get worse over time. We got back together and she told me it was over with the other guy because he had a temper and used drugs. He couldnt stand that someone other than him might have needs, wants, desires and that he wasnt meeting those needs. But on an emotional level it is so hard to accept that the man I so loved is just an empty shell. Thanks everyone, and keep fighting the good fight! I will say that with this latest cut off, (after borrowing the $3,000) she mentioned that I have put you through a lot, and for you to still be my friend through all of it is something that I am so thankful for. Take care. Anyway, I told his mom after that conversation that I was not going to just give it to her as my reason for selling it was for the money cause the ex left me with no money or job but if she wanted to buy it, she could like any other person. You're still waiting on him! But him at his best is still dysfunctional. I bet lots of other women on this site would say the same thing to you. I just need some time and space to reflect, heal, pray, and really seek Gods face about the potential for us in the future. Hugs and healing to you. No one will really understand why I leave but it no longer matters to me what others think, they have not lived in the cloaked hell that has been a 20 year prison. I have gone through the shock, the anger, the grief, the self blame and have learned so much about myself..my strength and resilience, and ability to love. just to see how later she would emotionally and physically abuse me and turning everything on me. There is also a fear of what comes next when they arent returning as expected because we dont know who we are anymore without the narcissist in our lives. He let me pet his dog, small talk like nothing (what he did to me) ever happened. So if your narcissistic ex-partner calls threatening to take their life, theyre more than likely pulling your bluff in hopes that youll feel so sorry for them and be so worried that theyll actually do it, you come running back. Thank you. Then later that day I was heading home from the beach with my bike. MY choice to be a Christian and follow a moral path is what polices me to do rightEVEN when I know someone would let me get away with doing wrong. He is lying to her about his finances and tells her I am trying to turn the kids against him, which could not be further from the truth. I was devastated But, funny enough guess where he moved too? He denied it for 9 months trying to convince me I was crazy. I know the danger of having Contact which is that all of the things listed above may be tucked away and the cycle could repeat itself. I must have had sucker written on my forehead. They are just as inconsistent and drama filled as friends as they were as significant others and if that will bother you its not a good idea. It took me one year to realize, who I was dealing with. How can you say you love someone and do these things. The pain is so deep. Since you mentioned that they usually come back eventually after using the silent treatment, do you think she will come back around? 2. Let them live their small lives while you carry on with complete indifference. Trust your gut and mark every one of those comments as a red flag and run. She then called me for advice on how to get him out of her house. Thank you Fellow Survivor, that makes a lot of sense. I relented once or twice and regretted it. He would either claim I was being over-sensitive, change the subject or end up insulting me. As a side note, I had a little sexcapade a few days before with a friend, who left a passion mark on my neck and one right where the blouse crisscrossed on my chest that I didnt bother to try to hide. When i have had a daughter it would break my heart when she lives here life besides a N. As an extension of this SuperGod.. Where my precious daughter with so much giving love and trying. Because we did everything together there is a lot of memories. Nothing. AMONGST 14 OTHER PPL. My ex was with another woman last year who apparently was his best friend. A new kind of rush he needed. This lady told me that this person who was a past love (its him by all descriptions), although it may seem that his circumstance has changed externally, internally, emotionally and mentally, nothing has changed. He knows what I think of him. A snake. Reclaim your inner power, disarm the narcissist, and finally stay congruent with your wish for a healed life! Leave them and never ever go back. over and over. Be strong and do not let anyone undermine or control you. May God help and heal us all. He also has the impulsivity but again dont narcissists? Only now accepting that I was one of them too. Well, the first thing youll want to do is make sure you file for custody. lol I get that all the time, your mean to me, you talk to me worse then you do to a dog, you disrespect me you dont show me any loveyour right I am all those things now as I have put up walls to deal with your shit and your cheating so you know what buddyscrew youI am above you and all the crap. Yes I did tell him i know he is a narc and i also told the girlfriend that she is in triangulation and she defended that of course, cause she thinks he is wonderful to the point where she told my children that failure of marriage was my fault. He cant be a friend and you know this. What I he tried to seperate me and my daughter . Our nieghborhood has its own beach, were on the waterway. Lose the Loser! They behave in disordered ways because they are disordered and much of that is a choice. I had been in an on and off again relationship with my Narc for 25 years and I finally broke free. Im wondering if now the ex might start trying to contact me for real to try to rope me back in; Ive just started getting myself together and although i still wake up every morning with panic attacks, I just want my life back before i met ths fake person. He then moved in with his ex-wife and daughters theyve been divorced for 14 years. So u see, ur hope amd faith is a waste. Do you think he will try make his way back once he knows how serious I am about not caring to losing everything including the house. They devalue you and criticize everything you do. when narcissist has canceririna emelyanova pasternak 26th February 2023 / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by Eden, the nerve they have popping in and out and around our lives like nothing is soooo unsettling and weird to the norm, but he is not normal so he would probably in his mind (which we know does not function properly) feel it is ok. That is what sets us apart from them. It was not until I stumbled on this term that I am thinking he is. I hit the bottom a few months back and have been at the Choice Point for some time. I like feel alone at that time. Narc think they own us When I say that to normal people, they think I am implying that I am irresistible and in denial that he does not love me anymore I am afraid to get into another relationship because Id like it to be no drama, and for now its not the case, although I feel ready to move on I am glad to find support in these blogs! Let his sin be known and refuse to cover it up for him like he wants you to! Also, you are likely experiencing effects of trauma bonding, which is a cognitive, bio-chemical attachment we form to our abuser. Just now I received a call from the x about our daughter and school. I seriously dont have any reason to hope my family or friends will return. Excellent post. On my part I wanted to mention so-called behavioral approach to character disturbances. He is now living in a caravan park with her and her daughter. And i really believe that he meant it at the moment he said that. That I seemed to have bipolar and need help. After getting my email, the following day, he discarded his FB page and cut off the ex that he allowed to hover and all of the women I accused him of needing attention from. I know that I wanted the school year to end but being apart from you is not what I had in mind. You can make that decision according to how your breakup happened and how you feel during this process. Another thing I forgot! Like its been said before in cases like mine, wouldnt of stayed this long if it had been overtly abusive but there was a fair amount of good and before my discovery he could fool me with his emotions which seemed real. Like what was said above, men are generally taught to remain strong and cover their feelings more often, which is why men dont post as much. The narcissist knows this and will play on the weakness of their ex. I have been practicing the no contact for almost a year, very hard! My ex wants me to do the same and I refuse. Get your ex back with Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup . Like I said I dont have prove yet and dont want to ask him, just for my sanity I was wondering If they do stuff like this? Watch out. That being said, I struggle with the feelings about his Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde routine. Throughout our relationship he was abusive in every way. It makes them feel out of control. 2 years out and some days I am still an emotional wreck some days. I cannot explain it. When you were together, theyd say things like, you cant do anything without me. When he comes back and the dream is still ist completly dead.. 3. He gave me 2 STDs and still I was so in love I begged for more. Would his initials be BM by any chance? I forget everything. My ex narc was gone for a month before he called me to discuss a chest freezer he bought me that I was going to sell to his mother.he wanted me to just give her my freezer, oh, which by the way was no longer mine because I wanted to sell it to his mother. Apparently not going to each other houses, she lives with some guy. Mine definitely sees me as his saving grace and fought hard to have some kind of contact with me. Since my ex has found out, I have had him slandering my name to mutual friends. Sally, if he is truly a Narcissist, then this is indeed a hoovering attempt. [] The REAL Reason the Narcissist Comes Back After No Contact. Excellent advice Jo and yes it works, I tried it all myself. It's part of a healthy ego. Think about that before you break NC. I said to see the kids? Inside me I was slowly starting to come to terms with things and slowly starting to make attempts to fly again I am feeling stronger inside me after this period of no contact I am also honest and open about what happened and why I am not flying so I dont keep quiet about this but equally I dont make a point about talking about it with everyone around as that in itself was reflecting badly on me. He is always busy and when he is at a quitte time he feels the love sometimes. SIGN UP FOR MY HEALING PROGRAM AT A JUICY DISCOUNT:https://bit.ly/NEWLIFE30Article: Do You Sabotage Yourself With The Grey Rock Method? He said he wants to try dating and see if we work that way and live apart, because if he moves in and it doesnt and then moves out again itll be hard on kids etc. takes you step-by-step through the five stages of leaving a narcissist and helps lead you straight to the exit. He took on my other three kids from previous marriage. Reality They dont love you; they only need you for supply and domination. He would have cleaned out my bank account, taken everything I had if I didnt wake up and start questioning and realizing finally it wasnt me. To gain power, a narcissistic ex will try to convince others that you are the one who harmed them. Then yesterday, I ran into her coming back from the park and chatted. And even tho I know WHY it hurts so much that he doesnt understand how he has hurt me. Im dealing with that now. The list goes on. The only reason why there was any communication in April of this year is because he was snooping on my LinkedIn profile. His schedule does not allow for consistency.I apologize for the length and the mess that this submitted story is, but may I thank you for having this and giving me a voice and a way to air this. He also seemed to get off on the attention he would receive on FB from him almost all female friends list. I am moving on. It took a long time for me to stop being in love with my Ex. They are Masters at the art of manipulation. This is 100% the TRUE WORDS OF A NARCISSISTI just left mine the 9th of july this yearit was a NIGHTMAREtotal Dr. Jekyll Mr.Hyde personality. After ten days he started answer and said that i have the right of the trueth and would tell me the day after. He told me the other day he is having a relation with a man now!! They want to check up on you []. Love. Grow stronger and confident. He wanted just me etc. Funny that, had no problems for 20 years until i called him out on his bullshit. Hi, Ive been involved with a covert narcissist sociopath in my small neighborhood. He is hoovering and still active and persistant about it even since hes moved back with Kym. I suppose he was falling in his version of love, but Ill never know for sure. I cant make you happy. He saw my strong, independent nature as a threat..that I would leave him. Really good article, I just wish it contained more psychological research. So transparent. Many of us found ourselves caught in it for years. I know its the hardest thing to do but let go. Often my thoughts and actions at home and work do not make sense now; and some are illegal, unethical, and stupid. 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